Gunpowder and Tea Cakes: My Journey with Felicity

Mrs. Merriman sits down at a little piano-type instrument while Felicity and I try to sit still. Felicity whispers that she’d rather go outside and play. I feel uneasy listening to the music; music was always something special that my mother and I shared. She taught me to play guitar after all. But when Mrs. Merriman finishes, we clap politely.

Mrs. Merriman suggests we all sing a song together. I don’t know the words, but I’m getting such a big lump in my throat that I wouldn’t be able to sing even if I did. When the song is done, Mrs. Merriman asks if I like music. I explain that I do, and my mother and I used to sing and play guitar together.

Felicity speaks up and says that she has a guitar. Her teacher, Miss Manderly, says she may take lessons when she’s twelve. She jumps up and fetches a guitar from the top shelf. It belonged to her grandmother. She asks if I can play for her.

I tell her that I couldn’t. I haven’t even touched my own guitar since my mother passed. But yet, I find myself reaching for the guitar. It’s very different from any I’ve ever seen. It’s smaller, and curvy, with a rounded back. But the strings feel familiar beneath my fingers. I carefully tune it, and then close my eyes and play a song. When I’m finished, Felicity applauds.

Mrs. Merriman says it was lovely. And it took some courage to play. Courage? Maybe it does take a little courage to face even simple things after someone you love dies. Playing Felicity’s guitar made my heart hurt. But it also made me feel closer to Mom than I have for a long time.

Suddenly, all I want to do is go home. I want to get my guitar out and play Mom’s favorite songs. I want to unpack the old family photos and videos. I want to tell my dad that hiding them doesn’t protect us from grief—it makes it worse.

I thank Felicity for encouraging me to play. I tell her I should change back into my own dress and find my father. Mrs. Merriman nods. She mended the tear and cleaned off most of the dirt.

Upstairs, I wriggle back into my own dress. After I’m changed, I see Felicity holding the string of coral beads she got from Charity’s mother. She says she’d like me to have them, to remind me of her. She’ll keep the miniature to remind herself of Charity. The beads feel warm and smooth in my hand. I thank her, and tell her I will never forget her.