Chances and Changes: My Journey with Molly

Beatriz asks if I’m sure. Her fingers are poised over the keyboard. I look at the list on the screen one more time and nod. But just as she highlights the name we’ve agreed on, I change my mind. Maybe I’m not sure. Bea laughs. She always calls me “Margaret Maybe” because I never can make up my mind. My best friend knows me too well. I hate making decisions. Naming a new horse is important. Aurora, her horse, is having a foal, and the name that we pick will belong to this foal for the rest of its life.

Bea rolls her eyes. She says it’s as bad as waiting for me to choose what instrument to play in the school orchestra. I did take a long time to choose. But now, I love playing the flute. But, Aurora is going to have this foal really soon, so we need to make a decision. Bea prints a copy of the name list and hands it to me. She says I should take it home to think about it. We’re going to have the best summer ever.

I grab my dog, Barney, who’s been dozing on the front porch of Bea’s house. Together, we walk through the woods between the Bea’s family farm and our house at the ranger station. My grandmother, Gem, and I live in the Seneca Forest Preserve where Gem is the wildlife ranger. I love summers here. Bea’s homeschooled, so we look forward to spending the entire summer together and sleeping over at each other’s houses. We help Gem maintain the trails in the preserve and we care for sick or injured wild animals. We also take care of the animals at Bea’s farm. Swimming is my favorite summer tradition, and we like to swim in the lake every day, rain or shine. But this summer, I’m looking forward to helping to raise Aurora’s foal. I can’t wait to watch it grow.

But when I arrive home, I find a letter addressed to me on the music stand. It’s labeled the Young Artists’ Summer Music Camp. What is this?

I open the letter carefully and read it. I can’t believe it. Gem’s voice behind me makes me jump. She asks what I got in the mail. But she stops short when she sees my face. I explain that I’ve been offered a scholarship to a summer music camp. It begins next week. I hand her the letter. Gem reads it, and I say that Mr. Salvo, my orchestra teacher, nominated me. He sent the admissions committee a video of our last concert. I had a solo in that one.

I tell Gem that I almost didn’t even do the solo. I couldn’t decide if I was ready to play on my own in front of an audience or not. Gem says that I was amazing. She congratulates me on the scholarship. I fold the letter and put it back in the envelope. I’m not sure if I want to go to music camp. Bea and I have a lot of plans this summer. I’ve never been away from home for so long. Gem says it’s not time for maybes. An opportunity like music camp doesn’t come along every day. I pick up the list of names for Aurora’s foal. Neither does the chance to raise a foal.

All night, I toss and turn. What do I do? The phone rings just before 7:00. It’s Bea. She says to come over right away. Barney and I raced through the woods. Bea is waiting at the edge of the pasture and she drags me to the barn. It’s dark, but as my eyes adjust, I see her mare, Aurora. She’s had her foal. Gem is already in the stall stroking Aurora’s sweaty neck. Gem has helped hundreds of animals have their babies, both wild and tame. Bea and I hug. We look at the foal while standing outside the stall. Aurora looks over her shoulder at us and then nudges her spindly-legged, shiny black foal. The baby still can’t quite figure out how to coordinate all of its legs, which are stiff and skinny as stilts.

Bea and I say hello to the foal. And at the same time, we both announce that the baby’s name will be Moon Shadow. Bea happily exclaims that she’s excited that we can watch Moon Shadow grow together this summer. Gem and I exchange a look. I slowly tell Bea that I might not be here every day. I explain that I found out yesterday about music camp. Without hesitation, Bea says that that’s great. She says that we’ll still have lots of time with Moon Shadow. I can come over in the mornings, before camp, and afternoons after.

I shake my head. I tell Bea it’s an eight week sleep-away camp. Dismayed, she says that eight weeks is the whole summer. She says I can’t go. We’ve waited all year for the summer. We have so many great plans. Gem reminds me that she’ll be here to help. Bea thanks her, but says it won’t be the same. Gem reminds her that Mischa, a forestry student doing a summer internship with Gem, is staying with us well. In fact, he’s taken over some of the things that I do without even asking me. I can’t wait until his internship is done and he leaves.

Gem reminds us that it’s time for me to try something new. Music camp is a great opportunity. Bea reminds me that I would miss home, Moon Shadow, swimming, and everything else. I look over at the stall where Moon Shadow’s nestled close to her mother. I wish I didn’t have to make this decision.

I tell Bea that I haven’t made a decision about camp yet. Maybe I’ll go, maybe I won’t. Bea chuckles softly. Margaret Maybe, never making decisions.